ambivalence

What are opinions but thoughts of one’s own to be shared but at times best kept at heart. Those who speak too much of their own are deemed contentious but too little makes one appear detached.
Opinions formed into words have the ability to offend if not cautiously kept at bay. However, we have no claim to be annoyed if the opinion attempts to correct our wrong actions. But corrosive opinions which do little to help are better off disregarded.

Take away these opinions then, and resolve to dismiss thy judgment about an act as if it were something grievous, and thy anger is gone. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11, No. 18

In other words, let opinions be taken away, and nobody will think themselves wronged. If nobody shall think themselves wronged, then wrongness cease to exist. The emperor-philosopher Marcus Aurelius suggested that when you feel exasperated and out of patience, be reminded that “this mortal life endures but a moment; it will not be long before we shall one and all have been laid to rest”. What a gloomy thought to carry around!

People come and go–as much as I dislike the notion of it, the fact revolves around us, be it in the form of life and death, or simply moving around for school and work.
I have encountered some who utter the adage in relationships, as if out of self-defense whenever a relationship breaks away. Or even people in the workplace embarking on new journeys every now and then.

It is a way of life as nature intended. But isn’t it because free will exists and therefore so do choices? Choices to stay or move on, which inevitably cause ripples of changes to others around you.

Many come and go for opportunities with the hope for a positive change in their lives. Others find themselves tugged along by the ebbing tide against their will. As for the matter of life and death, they are what make our ephemeral journeys on Earth so unique and interesting, stirring passion in us as we trek towards our last sunset.

Our universal sense of rights and wrongs are innate on the very fundamental level, but society and upbringing solidify them in our minds as we mature, creating beliefs and assumptions that dictate our lives. On the most elementary level, we share common doctrines such as “taking away another’s life and stealing another’s property” are wrong. For most of us, committing these deeds will weigh heavily on our conscience. However, beyond the boundaries of such indisputable rules lies an array of unique beliefs and conflicting ideas.

I am lost in this vast and stormy ocean of irreconcilable differences, at times struggling to come to terms with what I encounter. In my attempts to accommodate and hold my grounds, I have come to believe that there are no right or wrong methods but courses of action that keep the most number of people involved happy. As much as I dislike the idea of imposing an idea on others, people are most often unyielding, because that is the only way they can obtain what they want in a world governed by individualism. The question is how much value do we see in “others above self” as opposed to “self above others”. Sometimes, adhering to the silver rule alone does not suffice when making certain decisions, since what may appear right to me may instead be unacceptable to you.

We are constantly pursuing happiness, an elusive destination at which we can never really arrive if we don’t know how to appreciate ourselves. Many believe that we either choose to be happy or not, and that we are a sole determinant of our own happiness. A study published by Psychological Science suggested that happiness not only coexist with personality, but that innate personality traits cause happiness. Another study in Social Science & Medicine shows that the happiness follows a curve, in which it trends downwards with age and upwards again among the older age group. And contrary to popular belief, the curve is not affected by income, education, or marital status.

On another note, boosting a poor country’s living condition would really help its people achieve a certain level of happiness. And in richer countries, perhaps happiness can be attained through a more balanced work and home life.

Sometimes perceiving the fine line between right and wrong is simply stemmed from what we believe or what social norms have made us believe. In Moral Minds, Hauser raised an interesting point.

Norms wouldn’t be norms if we could tamper with them, constantly questioning why they exist and why we have to follow them. Their effectiveness lies in their unconscious operation, and their power to create conformity. On the other hand, although social norms often exert an unconscious hand of control, we do sometimes violate them. When we do, or observe someone else in violation, our brains respond with a cascade of emotions, designed both to register the violation and to redress the imbalance caused.

Every culture offers a distinctive palette unique to its own people, including a few which may seem peculiar to others outside that circle. Norms serve as a safety net on which we can fall back and introduce order in an otherwise chaotic world, allowing our interactions to be sufficiently predictable as a result. However, it inevitably causes distress when one faces a situation that challenges these norms. Such circumstances are bound to arise and we find ourselves questioning what is really best for us, proceeding with what we think is right because occasionally the limits of norms may be put to a test.