ambivalence

Our universal sense of rights and wrongs are innate on the very fundamental level, but society and upbringing solidify them in our minds as we mature, creating beliefs and assumptions that dictate our lives. On the most elementary level, we share common doctrines such as “taking away another’s life and stealing another’s property” are wrong. For most of us, committing these deeds will weigh heavily on our conscience. However, beyond the boundaries of such indisputable rules lies an array of unique beliefs and conflicting ideas.

I am lost in this vast and stormy ocean of irreconcilable differences, at times struggling to come to terms with what I encounter. In my attempts to accommodate and hold my grounds, I have come to believe that there are no right or wrong methods but courses of action that keep the most number of people involved happy. As much as I dislike the idea of imposing an idea on others, people are most often unyielding, because that is the only way they can obtain what they want in a world governed by individualism. The question is how much value do we see in “others above self” as opposed to “self above others”. Sometimes, adhering to the silver rule alone does not suffice when making certain decisions, since what may appear right to me may instead be unacceptable to you.

I swear by the silver rule — Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you — or at least I hope I have lived up to it. Ten years ago, a friend wrote me a poem which has been embedded in me ever since — The world is like a mirror, reflecting what you do, good to the others, the same they do to you — but life has taught me that it doesn’t pay to be too nice all the time. And you get taken advantage of now and then. I had a doormat personality right until a few years ago until I met someone who changed me. When I look back I can’t help wondering if being nice was just a facade to please everybody around me, and whether beneath the surface I actually had a mean streak. Eventually, one realizes that it’s impossible to please everyone. But it’s not as if I was trying hard to be nice, i just felt uneasy if I didn’t comply with another’s wish, to the extent that I would brood over it for many hours to come. A few people have told me that nice people don’t usually get any higher on the corporate ladder, and one cannot afford to be soft and obliging all the time. Even if you feel awkward about turning down a friend’s request sometimes, you have to say “no” if you truly cannot fulfill the request.

I’d like to think that pure altruism still exists but it is increasingly difficult to give selflessly without expecting a return or gaining a sense of satisfaction from a deed. The undeniable truth is that as humans we feel good when we give. Whatever the case is, I still advocate the silver rule over other rules such as the ever popular brass rule which translates to a tooth for a tooth.