ambivalence

What are opinions but thoughts of one’s own to be shared but at times best kept at heart. Those who speak too much of their own are deemed contentious but too little makes one appear detached.
Opinions formed into words have the ability to offend if not cautiously kept at bay. However, we have no claim to be annoyed if the opinion attempts to correct our wrong actions. But corrosive opinions which do little to help are better off disregarded.

Take away these opinions then, and resolve to dismiss thy judgment about an act as if it were something grievous, and thy anger is gone. - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book 11, No. 18

In other words, let opinions be taken away, and nobody will think themselves wronged. If nobody shall think themselves wronged, then wrongness cease to exist. The emperor-philosopher Marcus Aurelius suggested that when you feel exasperated and out of patience, be reminded that “this mortal life endures but a moment; it will not be long before we shall one and all have been laid to rest”. What a gloomy thought to carry around!

Our universal sense of rights and wrongs are innate on the very fundamental level, but society and upbringing solidify them in our minds as we mature, creating beliefs and assumptions that dictate our lives. On the most elementary level, we share common doctrines such as “taking away another’s life and stealing another’s property” are wrong. For most of us, committing these deeds will weigh heavily on our conscience. However, beyond the boundaries of such indisputable rules lies an array of unique beliefs and conflicting ideas.

I am lost in this vast and stormy ocean of irreconcilable differences, at times struggling to come to terms with what I encounter. In my attempts to accommodate and hold my grounds, I have come to believe that there are no right or wrong methods but courses of action that keep the most number of people involved happy. As much as I dislike the idea of imposing an idea on others, people are most often unyielding, because that is the only way they can obtain what they want in a world governed by individualism. The question is how much value do we see in “others above self” as opposed to “self above others”. Sometimes, adhering to the silver rule alone does not suffice when making certain decisions, since what may appear right to me may instead be unacceptable to you.

As a human race, we seem almost indistinguishable on the cellular level. But as an individual, we are distinctive and unique with disparate characteristics. We are beings with a myriad of differences in characters, personalities, attitudes, interests, and beliefs. As individuals, we can always strive to improve our shortcomings and adapt to our ever-changing environments. We can attempt to embrace a positive outlook to life even if our minds are swarming with bleak thoughts. We are malleable creatures who have learned to accept our own and one another’s differences, or not.

Even if we have accepted that each individual or a collective group of people is unique, we are still at odds with one another. Sometimes, differing personalities, attitudes, and beliefs result in irreconcilable ideas or interests that cannot be resolved. Since I tend to hover over the middle and rarely take sides, I can relate to and identify with arising conflicts. And I always wonder what strong convictions people have that they cannot be swayed by other ideas or refuse to bend to another’s beliefs. But lately I became aware that it is these convictions that give a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and meaning to the unyielding mind.

I take relief in agnostic views; I do not reject the existence of an almighty being nor support the notion of a God-less world, but neither can I vouch for such an existence. Certainly, religion provides an unshakable justification to the purpose and existence of mankind, injecting an undeniable meaning to life, but on the contrary, the concept of a being that arises out of nothingness is extremely confounding. Even the idea of how we even came up with the theory of God is equally overwhelming to me. I was rather amused to see a featured article in Time a few years ago that discusses the possibility of God being embedded in our genetic code because it seems to be answering one of the string of questions that intrigues me relentlessly. I once inquired a classmate in high school why and how is she so definite about an omnipotent presence in the Universe, and she nonchalantly replied that all you need is faith. I was taken aback and humbled by her answer, yet I couldn’t cultivate the same faith to believe without questioning. ( I was really expecting her to fumble at the question.) As much as I claim to be neutral in my views, I find myself thanking “God” for every blessings that occur in my life. The irony of it all!

In view of the recent book The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, in which he proposes that the rise of religious fundamentalism is dividing people around the world, I somehow believe that the many disparate religions all lead to the same God, differing only in the routes to arrive at the common destination. We share a generally mutual view in ethical and moral conduct, and as a global community we strive to uphold good as opposed to evil. I don’t understand why we should allow differing views in religion to divide and cause a disparaging gap among mankind.

I lean towards the teaching of humanism, which advocates “the dignity and worth of all people, based on the ability to determine right and wrong by appeal to universal human qualities”, although I don’t fully embrace humanism’s “rejection of religion in favor of a belief in the advancement of humanity by its own efforts”.

I’m confined in a state of uncertainty, hence the blog name “Ambivalence”, which is an inevitable outcome from being in an inert state of ambiguity. Doubt is my loyal companion, cruising along with me along the dim highway. Voltaire claims that “doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd”, and how I embrace that piece of his mind. Indeed I’m not alone in my doubtful journey, as I found many quotes on doubt uttered by great figures of the past.

Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them. -Peter Ustinov (1921-2004)

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things. -Rene Descartes (1596-1650)

I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists.-Robert Browning (1812-1889)

To believe with certainty we must begin with doubting.-Stanislaw Leszczynski (1677-1766)

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. -Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. -Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

I find it wearisome to believe in a faith because of my doubtful nature and insatiable thirst to seek out a truth that is nothing but elusive. Yes, I agree that “the believer is happy; [but] the doubter is wise.” (Hungarian Proverb) But it is in uncertainty I seek refuge in and found assurance in, and it is doubt that drives me forward in life filling me with hope and anticipation.